Honest reality...

 So it's been a while since my last post so much is changed in the last three years I have gotten married I have two beautiful kids Hannah Grace who is two and Griffin James who is seven months old.  There have been many ups and downs but a lot of time moments. I have a really great life and recently since having Griffin my life has been what I can only explain as a whirlwind. I have always suffered from anxiety and  panic attacks but it seems this since having him they have increased dramatically. This is been a journey of it's self because if you know me I like to find the root cause of everything or at least have a clear answer as to why certain things are happening. But as anyone with  anxiety knows there's never a clear-cut answer as to why or how anxiety hits or why or how anxiety causes your body to respond.  My anxiety seems to take home in my chest and I can feel it coming on and my chest starts to tighten it hurts which automatically leads me to think that I'm having a heart attack or having some kind a heart issue. This experience or feeling is like telling your 2 year old not to grab a toy and all they want to do is grab a toy because their brain is telling them to go and grab that toy. When my anxiety hits my brain is telling me you're having a heart attack go to the hospital go to the hospital. So with many visits to the hospital and to heart doctors and to my primary healthcare doctors is been determined that no  Alicia you do not have a heart issue you have anxiety issue. I've done a lot of googling on the Internet and found what is called postpartum anxiety I've never heard of that before until about a month ago I mean I've heard of postpartum depression and I don't feel depressed at all because I love my life I want to get out I want enjoy it. But I have  Constant worry in the back of my head that's something bad is going to happen and that's when the anxiety comes into play. I really don't know the purpose of this blog maybe it's to help other people maybe it's just to help me feel more at ease and is a therapeutic tool to help me get over or get through my anxiety.

I was looking through the Internet today and came across a verse in the Bible it says in James 1:2-3.
"Consider it great joy my brothers and sisters when experiencing varies trials, because you know that the testing for your faith produces endurance.

This verse hit me over the head it was like God telling me Alicia all the anxiety all the worry all the trips to the doctor are just testing your faith in me.  I'm not saying that God gave me this anxiety to test me or try me but maybe he did but I don't feel like God is that type of God but I do think that he allows us to go through certain trials in life that bring us closer to him and that's one thing that I can say that is happened over the past seven months that I have  grown closer to him and am learning to fully trust him and know that truth be told there is nothing in this world that I can control that whether it's my time to die or  my time to experience joy it's going to happen , there is only one thing I can control is how I respond and how I react to it.
A lot has happened in the last month that has caused my anxiety to increase one of them being...
 A friend of mine from church and high school and growing up with recently passed away he was given 18 months to live with treatment but he only lives 27 days that really hit home home with me and showed me just how short and precious life can be.  That I don't need to spend or waste my time worrying about if  these chest pains are related to my heart or anxiety or what if something bad happens because I can't control the what ifs I need to embrace life and enjoy the good and the bad and know that no matter what happens good or bad that God has my back and that God will get  The joy out of it and the glory.

There will be more to come in the following weeks but the take away from this blog for me is... you aren't in control life will happen with or without you but it's better if you are present and enjoying it

The scariest feeling...

Your day is going great. You've been to the gym got in a hard workout. You are feeling on top of the world. Then it all comes crashing down .... your heart starts racing, you feel sick, you might even great really hot, there's pain in your chest... if you're like me all these feelings would lead you to think OMG I'm having a heart attack... but no its not that (or is it) Its the lovely world of panic and anxiety.  I would not wish is on my worst enemy, there is nothing in the world like it and if you've never been through one, you can't really grasp what they feel like.

This should be the happiest time in my life, I'm getting married in less than 12 days. I love the man I'm marring. He is amazing, caring, loving and he puts up with me lol :) . But why aren't I happy (well I am happy... why and I so anxious. ) Well, when you marry someone you also marry into their family. I'm marrying into a family that I"m not 100% sure if they accept or even like me. They aren't coming to the wedding bc they are offended that we didn't change our plans bc it didn't fit into their plans.  The future mother in law, before we could even met she sent over cleaning items so I could make myself de-smell. We particularly had to beg them to met me and when they with in the first 10 mins I was ask "how did you become a christian" They never invite us over to their house, they never tried to get to know me. I've never been around people like this, everything I go over to their house or out to eat with me I feel like they are juding me, like they think i'm not good enough for their son, or I'm corrupting  him.  They seem fake, or like they dont deal with anything. When we told them we were engaged, they seemed happy but then told us right off the bat that they didn't want us having our wedding at the beach b/c it didn't work for them. It was too hard for them, they couldn't handle it. We fought, we screamed, they said bad things about me. In the end we left it as they weren't coming and we would agree to disagree.
I can't help but feeling like this is going to be the rest of my life, i'm going to be stuck in a endless battle with them. I feel like they wont ever accept me, they wont ever be happy with anything I do and that they will ruin my life and  make it miserable. I dont want to fight I want to be happy.
can I deal with this , if this is how its going to be the rest of my life???

Holiday loss not gain

It's been 2 1/2's since I started my weight loss journey. Over the past year I've struggled with plateau after plateau. Since Nov. of last year I've managed to lose 2 pounds (well, I gained 8 over the holidays last year so I've lost those plus 2 extra pounds) Some would say that's not much at all and if I'm being honest I would too. I would ask what have I been doing this past year to only have lost 2 pounds. Well, I started a new journey as a personal trainer/bootcamp instructor, I did my first Spartan race, completed my first half marathon, and learned to love running.

These are all things that if you would have said I year ago I was going to do I would have called you crazy. So the victory on the scale may not be there but the success in my life and growth definitely is.

But I still have weight loss goals and I'm not stopping til I reach them. Hence, my Holiday loss not gain title. I'm challenging my self not to gain any weight over the holidays and in fact I want to lose 22 pounds. This will have me at one of my goals.
So how am I gonna do this... well this brings me to my next Holiday challenge. I'm not going to eat any sweets (ie... candy, baked goods, pies and put added sugar in things) til Christmas. With the exception of coffee creamer (bc I need want my coffee and I can't stand the taste of sugar free creamer, but I'm limiting my self to 2 tablespoons and only 1 cup per day)

I also just started a great program by Shaun T ... T 25. Its only 25 mins of intense exercise a day. So combined with my running that I will continue to do and some strength training on the side, i'm hoping this will get me to my 22 pound loss.

So, if you see me about to eat any sweets or see in my fitnesspal where I have logged some sweets, you have my permission to get on to me about it. I'm not saying its not gonna happen (i'm only human) but i'm gonna give it 200% effort.

The Falls revisited

I was looking through old pictures a few weeks ago a found one of me and Izzie when we went to hanging rock 2 years ago. I remember that trip because walking down the the first falls took it out of me. I was so winded by the time I came back up.

me and izzie hanging rock falls 10/2011

So this weekend I decided to revisit those falls and what a difference 2 years make.  We went to the same falls, and all the other falls as well. Even hiked up to the top of hanging rock. I was tired by the end but felt like i could do more and we did.

Top of hanging rock

Its great to see results and feel what a difference 2 years can make when you put in the work. I know I get frustrated along the way and may hit plateau's but seeing were I was to were I am know, that's what keeps me pushing to get to the finish line. I'm so thankful and I don't know where I would be with out my amazing friends and awesome trainer, who kept and keeps pushing me. You guys have made this journey a little less difficult!!!

hanging rock falls 714/2013

Challenge: Check in

So... its been a week, well a week and one day since I first started this challenge for myself. I weigh in with my trainer on Thursday's so that's when I'll be checking in to see my progress.

Wednesday when I started this challenge I was 232... when I weighted in the next day I was 229.6.
Today when I stepped on the scale I was 227.8
Going by when I first started this challenge I have lost  4.2 pounds, but If I use my weight from Thursday its a 1.8 pound lose. Over all progress has been made in the right direction .. which is the goal :)

Next week, my goal will be to lose 2.2 pounds

This week I'm also going to try calorie cycling. I've done some research and this has been shown to help keep your body guessing/ avoid a plateau and helps you lose weight. Basically with calorie cycling you use your total calories for the week and split them up where one day you eat a lower amount of calories the next day is higher. Try to plan your higher days on days you know you will be working out more.

Example: my calories for each day is 1410. So times that by 7 = 9870 for the week.
Monday-1210
Tuesday-1610
Wednesday-1280
Thursday-1500
Friday-1310
Saturday-1210
Sunday-1750

http://www.coachcalorie.com/calorie-cycling-for-weight-loss/
http://burton18.hubpages.com/hub/Calorie-Cycling-Diet

So until next time... have a great week :)

A Challenge

I have set a challenge for myself and I'm going to try and blog about it every week, as sort of an accountability for myself.
So.. the challenge to lose 43 pounds by 8/22 (my birthday.. I'll be 32)
That is 134 days (about 19 weeks)

Reward for reaching this challenge:
Iphone (I've wanted one for a while and I do need one but I've decided to wait and make it a reward )
and
I've always told myself that once I reach 199 I would jump out of an airplane (so that's gonna happen too :-D)

If anyone else would like to join in on this challenge with me, we can do it together!!!!( and celebrate once we have completed our challenge). Maybe you don't have 43 pounds to lose (maybe its less), maybe you just want to walk everyday for 43 days or get more active. Whatever it is.. issue yourself a challenge and see what happens when you do (you may be surprised how well you rise to the occasion)
Its good to set small goals along of the way of a bigger goal, so do this too.

So my current weight is 232... each week I'll give an update on how I'm doing :) 

If you wanna join me and want me to know your challenge then you can either leave a comment or email me (aliciar876@gmail.com)

When you hit a wall you either fall down or find a way to climb over it...

SOooo... its been quite a while since I posted anything last. So I thought I would do a show and tell because pictures are great and I dont take even of them

where a I started oct. 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me oct. 2012

I suffered a stress fracture in Nov and came face to face with one of my worst fears and that was gaining back all my weight. I was out of high impact exercise for 2 months and gained 8 pounds. But I told myself this will not stop me or set me back. I still have 3 pounds of that 8 to lose

I started loving who I was more and who I was becoming. I am truly happy with my life and what I'm doing. and I also may have started dating someone :)

Meet Andrew... I do blame him for some of the 8 pounds I gained lol :)

SO my new mantra to myself is this "shut up and try" I do alot of negative self talk and talking myself out of things but I just need to shut up and try it because 9 times out of 10 I can actually do it. Point in case with the pictures below

I did my first Spartan race with some really great people that I couldn't have made it through with out.

and I have the medal to prove it !!! :-D

My aunt also finished her first 5k..proud of her

color me rad 2013

 

 

I've also learned to smile more and just enjoy life!!!

I can't stop what I've been doing and won't stop what I am doing because I've come too far to go back now. So, anytime I hit a wall I just have to remember where I started and where I'm at now and just get your boobs over the wall :)