Emotional eating... we all do it lol

No matter what emotion you feel... that emotion can drive you to eat. If you're having a great time at a family reunion or hanging out with friends, you can eat with out even thinking b/c you are in the moment having a great time. If you're sad/depressed, you can eat to try to fill the void. If you're anger, you can eat to get revenge. If your bored... oh goodness you can just blindly eat.

A definition that explains emotional eating:
            "Definition: Emotional eating refers to the consumption of food for reasons other than hunger. People prone to emotional eating may do so more often when stressed, due to cortisol-induced cravings or a perception that food may ease negative emotions. Emotional eating refers to a shift in eating patterns based in emotional feelings rather than physical hunger."
Reasons for emotional eating are:

• Social Eating
• Nervous Energy
• Emotion Stuffing
• Old habits

It's sometimes hard to tell the difference between physically being hungry and emotional eating.  Your mind can play tricks on you and you think you're actually hungry and you really aren't. This usually happens to me in the evening..lol

How to tell the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger:

1. Emotions happen suddenly were as  physical happens over a period of time

2. When you are eating to fill a void that isn't related to an empty stomach, you crave a specific food, such as pizza or ice cream, and only that food will meet your need. When you eat because you are actually hungry, you're open to options.

3. Emotional hunger feels like it needs to be satisfied instantly with the food you crave; physical hunger can wait.

4. When you aren't hungry you are still eating to fill a void.

5. Emotional eating can leave behind feelings of guilt; physical hungry does not.

Emotional eating can leave you feeling very guilty. I've experienced this many times and this guilt can lead to not so healthy decisions. That's why its really important to realize why you're eating and determine if you're actually hungry or not. But slip ups happen all the time, so if you emotionally eat don't let it get you down. Your human... just pick yourself up and start refresh at the next meal, don't wait til the next day (well unless its evening lol )

From personal experience its really hard not to emotionally eat. The times that I struggle the most are when I'm stressed or bored. When I'm stressed I feel like eating will solve all my problems or at least take me away from them. Being bored  for me is never a good thing because I can't stay seem to stay still for too long, and if you know me.. my hands always have to be moving or I'm always chewing gum. So if I'm bored I just want to eat to not be bored.

Exercise has been a really great tool for me to battle both of these issues. When I exercise it seems to even if its only for the moment take away my stress and it keeps me from being bored. Another tool I've picked up is to keep low calorie snacks around so if I'm bored or stressed and feel the urge to munch and I have something health around so I don't feel guilty for eating. Some Ideas for snacks are:

• Almonds
• Apples
• Low cal String Cheese
• Pretzel chips and hummus
• Grapes
• Veggies and hummus

I'm a lover of hummus (well roasted red pepper hummus) here's a great homemade recipe I've found that's really good:

Ingredients:

1 16-oz. (or 14-15-ounce) can chilled chickpeas or garbanzo beans, drained
Juice of one fresh lemon
2 tablespoons sesame tahini, sunflower seed or nut butter
4 cloves fresh garlic, peeled
1/3 cup roasted red peppers (if using jarred, drain the peppers)
3 tablespoons tasty extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons fresh parsley or basil, roughly chopped
Pinch of sea salt, to taste

Instructions:

Combine all of the ingredients in a food processor until creamy smooth.

Read more: http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2007/12/get-your-hummus-onits-party-time.html#ixzz25XTUmx7I

Here are some great websites with other low cal snack options:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/28939-list-low-calorie-snack-foods/

http://www.shape.com/healthy-eating/top-20-healthy-snacks

Distractions

According to Webster the meaning of Distractions is:

1. A thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.
2. A diversion or recreation."

 So what are some things that can cause distractions:
• Horseplay
• Life- stress, anxiety
• Sleep deprivation
• Illness
• Friends/Family
• Problems at home
• Yourself
• Visitors

Any number of things can cause someone to be distracted from any number of things. For the last month (maybe a little under a month) I have been distracted by a number of things. Now all distraction aren't bad, some can be really great like:

• keeping yourself busy to keep from eating
• change of scenery 
• talking to a friend to take your mind off of other things
• family

  and some can cause unwanted stress and anxiety. But whatever the reason my focus has been taken off from my weight loss and for the past few days I've been trying to figure out how to get refocused. I haven't stopped working out, in fact I'm working out more now than I have been in the past. My eating hasn't been horrible (I have eaten out more lately.... Ive stayed w/in my calorie count) but I haven't been making the best decisions regarding eating either. I've been eating more carbs and processed foods than I have in a while.
All this combined with the fact that I'm not gonna hit a goal I set for myself (my goal was to be in the 320's by tomorrow... but i'm 8 pounds shy) can also be a distraction (a few months back i would have set it would have been a road block and a reason to quit but that was the old me).

So what did I do this morning... I started over, set a new goal  and looked a everything I have been doing the last month and realized, yes things have been distracting me but they aren't bad.. I just need to learn to balance life and prioritize whats important to me and make sure that those things are getting done correctly, and first...then do everything else. With a little balance everything evens out and life is good :-D  as some would say you can have your cake and eat it too (I'd say have your Apple and eat it too lol :) )
My new goal is to be 213 by sept. 28th... thats 25 pounds in 38 days.. thats around 0.6 pounds a day I need to lose. (tall order but I can do it )

So in started over... I trashed what little processed foods I had and got fresh, green products. I started my insanity month 2 week 2 over (because I have been half assing it all week and that doesn't fly with me lol ) and pushed play and dug deeper

 (gotta love Shaun T :-) ) and I remembered all the reason why I was on this journey in the first place: to become a Happier, Healthier me!!!

Some words of advice and encouragement from the amazing and hot!!! Bob Harper:

love this shirt :-D

Believe in yourself, trust the process, change forever.
-Bob

"The past does not define you, the present does."
-Bob

"This is where it matters the most. This is where lives are made, in these moments when you choose whether or not to say "I can't" or "I can."
-Bob

Negative Talk... before and after

Me and a friend were talking the other day about how much we (meaning "us" and I would venture to say most women) talk/think negatively about ourselves. As we were talking we came up with the idea to write down any negative thought/or statement we made about ourselves, just to see many times it happens in a day. A week later we talked and again and we were both very surprised at the amount we had written down and I didn't even write down everything. So from there I decided that for every negative thought I would put money in a jar but I would also have to think of something positive that is true about myself. I must say this is a great way to change your thinking about yourself because I've only been doing it a few weeks and already my negative talk as drastically changed.
Women are very hard on themselves (and I don't know maybe men are too ... but I don't hear about it as much) but we need to easy up on ourselves and be happy with how we are and what we are doing. We need to stop comparing ourselves to one another and just realized that we are who we are and no one is perfect. Good, bad, ugly... just be yourself and love who you are.

Now I know this doesn't have to do with weight lose or whatever (it just happens to be whats been on my mind alot lately)... but for me.. my negative talk contributed alot to my weight gain.  I don't think it'll ever go away... but the more positive the less negative there will be. Like today when I was exercising I was comparing myself to all the other ladies and I was basically feeling sorry for myself b/c I wasn't as small as them or whatever. So I got home and checked my mail and there was a letter form a friend of mine .. I opened it up and he had mailed me pictures of me and him from a few years back when I was at my heaviest. To be honest the pictures shocked the hell out of me because I didn't believe I was ever that huge.... but I wanted to compare them to some pictures I took this week when I was trying on a women's XL that I could actually get into and it wasn't tight :-D (not women's plus XL but ordinary women's xl...may be the same to some .. but not to me :-D) And to look at them made me realize how far I had actually come... even though I'm not at my goal weight yet... I had to stop and be proud of what i have done this far and I changed my negative thinking in to positive!!!

 


















So I guess the jest of this blog... is to remind me to stay in the positive.

This quote(below) says it all for me today... stay focused on what and who is holding you together b/c thats whats important!!!! :)

Looking forward...

So I was down to 274... and I was feeling strong and happier. It's funny because through this whole process I am learning so much about myself and really figuring out the reasons why I became so unhealthy and over weight. Which I think is the key to really keeping off the weight. The person I'm becoming is scary because I'm not used to the feelings I'm feeling and being so happy ..to be honest. But I am for the first time...I truly love my life and what I'm doing.

When I first started this journey I blamed all my weight issues and depression issues on my ex boyfriend. Which yes he did royally screw me up on so many levels...but I had issues before him and I'm just now starting to see them or I should say acknowledge them.  I mean this issues are what lead me to be in that relationship with him in the first place.

When I was growing up I would had told anyone that I had a great childhood, and I'm not saying that i didn't but looking closer at it I can see now that I never really stood up for myself or even loved myself. I let people speak for me and walk all over me. One of the reason I believe I let this happen was because I have always had a stuttering problem. Anytime I would try and speak the words just wouldn't come out clearly and lord knows if was anxious... I should just hang it up because nothing would come out. So many times people would try and finish my sentences or help me out and I know they only thought they were helping me but it made me feel worse about myself. I hate it and it has kept me from doing so many things that I really wanted to do growing up and even know. I allowed it to define who I was and keep me isolated. Because of this I became a very private person. Growing up so many people would make fun of me for the way I talked and being over weight, so I just build up walls around me to keep people at a distance and as I got older the walls grew taller. The more isolated I became the more I turned to food for comfort. I mean I'm not saying I didn't have any friends or never let anyone in... but I had to really trust you and know you weren't going to hurt me.

All that being said... having established some of the reason why I become so over weight had helped me so much in this journey. There is no way that I can go back and undo what was done in the past and I don't think I would want too... because even though the past has been painful.. I don't know if I would be where I am know if it had never have happened. I'm a red headed stubborn person and we redheads have to learn the hard way... lol :)

So... that was alot of random thoughts.. sorry for that but getting back on track ... so yes I was 274 and had my sights set on my goal of losing 100 pounds. In May and June I did bootcamp again, I really enjoyed them. The bootcamps actually challenges me to push myself harder and its really fun to work in groups with other people. Working out in groups ...1) gives you more accountability and 2) helps you meet new people. By the end of camp I was doing more situp and pushups than I ever had before. I had also gotten fast with my mile time and I was down to

At the beginning of July... I started to look back over old pictures of myself.. I didn't have alot but the ones I did have were when I was at my heaviest. I compared the pictures of then and now and for the first time I could really see a difference. I then decided it was time to try on a pair of my favorite jeans that I had been holding on too because one day I knew I would be able to get back in to them. I was nervous at first because I was worried that they would still be too small.. but I was very surprised to try then on and they were a little too big... I was a very happy girl they were a size 18 and they were big on me :). I think that was when I finally hit my thick skull... that I was losing weight and I was becoming a better version of myself. and for the first time looking at myself in the mirror I was a beautiful person. I was taking a month off of bootcamp because I was going on vacation and would miss a week. I still had 2 weeks til my goal date of 7/13/12 to have lost 100 pounds ... so I decided to start the INSANITY program. Now if you have never heard of INSANITY... then let me just tell you it is a very CRAZY workout that goes for 2 months. The workouts are cardio driven and focus on interval training. I was very hesitant to start this program but I figured since I wasn't doing bootcamp I needed something extra to give me a push (I mean I was still working with my trainer and doing zumba 6 or 7 days a week and most would say that would have been enough.. but I guess I'm not most and like a challenge..lol). So I started the first workout of insanity on a Friday and let me just tell you.. it was pure hell. I have never sweated so much in one workout since my first work out with my trainer and I didn't even use any weights. But after it was over and I could breathe again.. I felt a since of accomplishment because I had made it through and it was actually kind of fun. So I continued doing it everyday and my trainer even started doing it with me (which was good for a few reasons 1. it gave me an extra push and 2. I was able to do it at his studio so I wouldn't scare my neighbor below me with all the jumping i was doing up in my apartment. (i know he had to be wondering what the hell i was doing lol ).

So.. July 13th had finally arrived and when I stepped on the scale I was very happy to see the number read 249... So I had not only met my goal but passed it by losing 102 pounds :) I was happy and proud of myself for the first time in a while. I had a feeling of accomplishment and starting looking towards my next goals :) .

My friend came up the following Monday for our vacation and he was like" Alicia ... you need to do something for yourself to honor this huge milestone"... I thought about it and he was right... SO I wasn't ready to by new clothes yet (though I need them desperately) so i decided on the next best things ... a tattoo

This is my tattoo... Its the symbol for strength wrap in a heart. Because through this process I've learned that strength and love will get you through anything.

That pretty much brings this blog to the present. (oh I've already planned what I'm doing when I hit 199... I'm jumping out of airplane or off a bridge..lol) I'm sure there are many things that I missed and I'll try and add them in here and there.. but I'm proof that with hard work you can do anything.

My Journey isn't over its just getting started and I'll be posting more soon... but for now here's a lasted picture of me...

Taken July 2012

Marching forward..

With any weight loss... one is bounded to hit the dreaded plateau. Well... I hit mine mid-march. All my hard work and eating right didn't make a difference... it seemed like the more I worked the more I gained. About every other week I would gain about pound and then the next week I would lose it. It was soooo frustrating, I felt helpless. I got some advice from my trainer.. who told me that I needed to eat more. I will say that this was a shock to me... because I had always heard and believed that one had to burn more calories than you consumed in order to lose any weight. So to wrap my head around eating more was very difficult for me and still is. But, I decided to give it a try.. I mean after all what could it hurt. In regards to eating more... I found this website eat more to weigh less... now i'm still not 100% sold on the idea because after figuring up how much what I should be eating calories wise according to their website... I'm just not 100% sure I could even eat the much anymore. SO I bumped my calories up to 1800 from 1500.. at the next weigh in I had gained weight (Grrrrrr... i was mad) ... but I had done research and knew that, that was more than likely going to happen because my metabolism had to get readjusted. The following week I had lost 4 pounds and was down to 284..... :)

{This is one of the websites I found in regards to eat more weigh less:
http://eatmore2weighless.com/about-em2wl/ }

One thing I will say about working out ... is that it gives you so much more energy. I had been watching my niece and nephew for a month or so and we always have fun... But to be able to play hard with them and even wear them out was great. They like to play tag alot and before this journey I wouldn't have been able to play as much as I can now. Also exercise was starting to become something that I wanted to do rather than something I felt obligated  to do. Many times and even now... when I'm not working or doing sometime else had have free time I'll do sit-ups or squats or even go on a short run because i'm bored and can't set still. It's a good feeling.

Starting in April... I added a new something to my workouts. I started a bootcamp. Know, I will say I was very scared to do the bootcamp...One because I knew I would more than likely be the heaviest person there and I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep up and do what everyone else could do. But I swelled my fears and did it anyways. Boot camp was monday, wednesday and friday at 6:15 am (yes I said am... that took some getting used too lol). One the first day... we did a minute of sit ups and push-ups and we also ran a mile.. I will set for the record.. I really dont like running now... but then I really hated it. I made it I think one lap running and that was it I had to walk the rest. I wasn't happy with my results that day.. but I knew I could improve. Bootcamp was very tough... it lasted 4 weeks .. each week I could see a difference, I was doing more sit up and running more w/o having to stop... but the end of bootcamp I had lost a total of about 10 pounds and was down to 274. The first day of bootcamp I did  my mile in 13m and 45 secs and by the end I was down 12m 45 sec

It started to hit me then that I was 274... and I was only 26 pounds away from having lost 100 pounds. Right then and there I set myself a goal date. It was the beginning of May and I set my goal date for  July 13th

A new year .... A new attitude... or so I hoped. (Jan..2012)

The road to weight loss is never easy and if someone tells you it is they are a big fat liar!!!!!! That being said with everything in life there are ups and downs... peaks and valleys. The new year found me in a valley... Many people had started saying that they would see a difference in me .... both inwardly and appearance wise. But I didn't see it.. maybe I was too close to it.. but yeah I was losing weight but I didn't feel like I was doing enough. I wanted my results to happen faster... I wanted to see big changes. Most people would has said that I had been doing really good on my weight loss, at the first of the year i was 299... first time I had been in the two hundreds in many many years. I mean that was roughly 50ish pounds lost since I first began my journey. I was happy but my inner self was yelling and screaming at me. The old Alicia was starting to make an appearance and I started beating myself up again... the negative talk and negative thoughts were everywhere.

The stress of buying a house can be very overwhelming... and my old self when I felt overwhelmed or stressed I would turn to junk. And at times that's just what I did... I would stop on my way home from somewhere into Sheetz and get a cookie (must say they have really good chocolate chip cookies)[looking back on this now in the present its really great to see how your habits can change... I will say even though at times I still have the urge to get a cookie from sheetz I haven't done it since back in Feb. When I think about it I now ask myself the question what is this really gonna do for you but make you feel guilty for eating the stupid cookie] But ... always after eating the cookies I would get a guilt feeling and really start to feel bad and get hard on myself. It make me feel like i was cheating on myself and then thoughts would come like well you just ate a cookie why not eat other junk food. Battling with yourself is never easy and I do it constantly. Its good vs evil... healthy vs fat, which will win out.. of course the one that wants it more. 

 but the content of

I closed on my house the first of Feb and began getting into somewhat a routine. I started going to zumba more and started walking my dog more. I developed a good exercise schedule, I was no longer workout at a gym (didn't want to spend money or have to sign up for a membership..plus I was kind of turned off of gyms by my last one). I would have said at this point that the rest of my weight loss journey was going to be easy.... but I quickly learned i was so wrong. 

There was a saying I read that "30% of dieting is exercise and 70% is diet" . I will say that is completely true. Food and diet is over half the battle. So I started looking more closely into what I was eating and I realized that yes I was eating the right amount of calories a daywhat I was eating wasn't exactly the best.   I started to look beyond the calories to carbs, sodium, sugar, fat and fiber. The total picture... I was eating more processed foods, more dairy, more carbs and not enough "green foods". So I decided to clean out my kitchen... everything that was processed I threw out... all pre packed foods I gave away and I trashed all items that contained Potatoes.... Oh my ... how I love potato's... I blame my grandpa for this (when I was little I was in the hospital for about 8 weeks... but everyday he would bring me mash potato's and gravy from KFC... I think my love affair of potato's began there). I knew that I did not have the will power not to eat potato's so I told myself I was not allowed to buy anything that contained potato's and I will say I have stuck to this. Now I'm not saying that potato's are bad because they are not.. but I know myself and if i buy and bag or box of potato's they will be eaten in 2 days or less and that's just not good.
So I changed my diet eating happens... I started eating more fresh veggies and fruits, more protein, more natural foods. I took out dairy mainly cheese (another temptation for me) and lowered my carb intake and made sure I was staying within my sodium limits. Oh ... I will say that I was using "myfitnesspal.com" to keep track of all my food. This is a really good website because it allows you to see exactly how much your eating in all area's and you can either use their recommended goals/settings or you can adjust them. I'm sure there are other websites like this out there but this is the first one I found so I stuck with it.

By march I was starting to really get in the habit of eating good and sticking to my goals each day and I was down to 287...

Turning Point... Oct.2011

So... starting from where I left off... I went to meet trainer #3. I will tell you this... I was very scared not to be working out with a personal trainer again.. but to be going to meet someone alone not knowing who they are or if I can trust them. (this fear steams from my past abusive relationship which caused me to have a huge fear of men.... I will add I have work through a great deal of my issues regarding my past relationship and I'm in a much healthier place with all of that). But looking beyond that.. I went to meet trainer #3... He asked me all the basic questions about where I started .. where I wanted to be, what were my goals and my goal weight. He walked me through his philosophy of training and then he lead me in a mini work out. We discussed price... which I must say was almost a out for me.... yes he was little on the expensive price or at least that's what I thought in the beginning until I broke down the price per session later at my house. But I signed up then and there for a year contract and told myself... ALICIA this is it... this is your year to turn your life around and get healthy. So, I started that day... after leaving the studio.. I went straight to the gym worked out for about 1.5 hrs and then went to the grocery store. You see... working out is only half the battle. I leaned this lesson alot along the way of my journey. Food was always such a comfort for me and a place that I could go too to get away from myself and everything else.

I will say that I have learned that writing down everything you eat is a very important part in losing weight. It is good to see what all you have eaten and drank turning the course of a day. For me.. it helps at night around 8 or 9 when I feel like I'm hungry... I go back to my food log and see what all I've eaten that day.. when i tell myself... Look you've eaten all this you can't and shouldn't be hungry. Most of the time that works.

So ... where was I.. I started training the following week with trainer #3. We started out two times a week for an hour. The training with him was different than the other trainers... I can't really say what it was but if I'm being honest I felt like he was more passionate about what he was doing because he truly wanted to help people and see them reach their goals. It is his passion and he really enjoys what he does. So if you know me you know it takes me a minute to warm up to people and to open up... So it wasn't until week 2 or 3 that I started to be myself and really trust him and get into the work outs. But when it came time to weight in the 2nd week I was scared to look at the scale b/c I didn't feel a difference but in just two weeks of working out with my new trainer I had lost 5 pounds. ( I will say that in the beginning my work out schedule was: working out 7 days of week doing cardio and then training 2 x's a week ). I was very happen to be out of the 320's and moving closer and closer to the 200's.

At my trainers studio .... he does Zumba... now if you know me again. you now I can't dance to save my life... but he was telling me more and more that I should try it. It scared me to death.. because I don't like making myself look dumb or feeling like I'm not good at something. But I did sign up for zumba (I will say it took me signing up 3 times to actually attend one class...lol ) and I was very surprised and how much fun it was... Yes it kicked my butt and I felt like I couldn't breathe but it was so much fun and I became hooked. I started doing zumba 3 or 4 times a week.

This is me after I had finished my first 5k

So.. this takes us up too close to the winter holidays... Oh... back tracking some.. I did  run my first 5K in Oct. I didn't do as good as I would have liked but I was a great feel just to complete it (this year I plan to do the race again and see how much better I have gotten).

Between the time I started with my new trainer and the holiday's... I started to change.. maybe more on the inside but I was feeling more happier and restless in a sense. I'll try and explain.... I was leaving at home with my parents still and not that I didn't enjoy it but everyone knows that once you've lived on your own its hard to move back in with your parents.... So i was getting restless in the sense of I wanted my own space. So I started looking for apartments to rent. Now I have a uber hyper dog and weighs about 75 pounds... so finding an apartment for both her and I was difficult. But the idea came to me.. maybe I could get my own house (as in buy)... never would I have thought about doing this before now. But its funny how small this world ...I started calling realtor's and went with the group that help us sell my grandma's house. The realtor sent up and time for us to meet and show me several houses. Our first meeting was great because when I went to meet her ... I already knew her.. she was a regular on the zumba classes I had started going too.

Its funny how people always stress and worry about eating over the holiday's... which I must say I do too and still do.. but I was pleasantly surprised that after thanksgiving and spending a week with a friend in AL... I had not gained but lost 8 pounds :) ... It was one of the first times I was honestly proud of myself because I had done this on my own with out my trainer... just me sticking to my calories and getting in my exercise. I finally felt like I could do this and would do this

Where to begin....

Last meal in VA

Many people have told me that I should start a blog because of the journey I'm on and where is has taken me so far. I'm not really sure about this but I thought I would give it a try. About 3 years ago I started having random but bad side pains. This continued off and on for about 5 months... sometimes that would get really bad and through many test and so much money they finally figured out it was my gallbladder and removed it. The pain went away but the realization of where I was at that point in my life started it hit me. I was living in VA, was not happy with who i was or what I was doing. I was stuck in my past reliving a 3 year abusive relationship at every turn I made. I was depressed and hated myself. I started thinking about all of this and it hit me I had to move. Not run but just remove myself of the situation I was in and become a better me. So I did just that... that following Monday I gave my job a month's notice and told them I was leaving. Things fell into place after that... I was allowed to still keep my job but move out of the state. So having no where to go really I moved back in with my parents. I know sad... a 30 year old living with my parents but it got me out of my situation. So a week after moving back home I decided it's time to start making other healthy choices of myself. I wasn't happy, so tired all the time and so over weight. I decided at that moment that I would give myself a year to become a healthier happy me... and I've done just that.

I started this journey weight 351 (i know that's sad but looking back to what got me to that weight I realized that I have been through so much and really its a miracle that I lived through it... maybe a story for a different time). So I decided to join a gym... now i had work out before in the past but it had been a while and I made a promise to myself that I would give this 110%. Going to the gym is not easy when you are OBESE ( I hate that word.. but I think my hatred for that word made to want to change even more) I felt so self conscious and felt like everyone was starring at me say why is this fat chick here. But I tried to tune out my own thoughts and put in my ear buds and started walking on the treadmill. I will say that was the longest and hardest walk to date. But I made it through that first day at the gym. A few weeks after joining the gym, I knew I needed someone to help me, someone to push me past my limits and made me work harder. So I got a personal trainer at the gym i was going to at that time. At first I really wasn't sure if I would like someone telling me what to do and how to do it (you see I have issues with authoritative people) but I sucked it up and did as I was told. It was really hard and I was pushed past my limits but as the days and weeks went on I started to slowly get stronger and felt better.

All this started about march of 2011... but my momentum came to a crashing halt when my grandma was put in the hospital. She was in there for about a week and half, I was at the hospital most of the time and didn't feel like working out because I was so worried about her... but I since I couldn't work out I tired to eat healthy( question have you ever tried to eat healthy at a hospital... somewhat difficult and kind of ironic since it is a hospital) Anyways... what was worse became worse when my grandma died the following Monday. I wasn't at the hospital at the time because I had become very very sick (go figure hospital makes me sick) The week of her passing was very difficult but I didn't realize what was to come would be even more difficult. The process of moving on with life once someone you love is never easy.

That was a very hard summer... but one I will never forget. I learned alot about myself and my family and I realized that I was alot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Looking back on that time now. I think it took me about a month to actually get back into the gym, by that point I had gained whatever I had lost before... but this time I had a new purpose and a stronger desire to get healthy. I had made a promise to myself but also to my grandma that I would do this and I would start to love myself once again. (again a story for a different time). But getting back to the gym felt great.. I realized how much I had missed it and my trainer and I started training for my first 5k (let me just say for the record I HATE RUNNING... but for me I have to be pushed outside of my comfort zone in order to grow. )


It's funny when things are going good something always happens... and that's what happened to me... In August... my trainer told me that he was being let go and would no longer be working as a personal trainer. I'm thinking great just when I get into a good rhythm of working out and training now this happens. But I couldn't and didn't let myself get knocked down by this. We still kept in contact and he continued to tell me things I should be doing while working out. The gym hired another personal trainer and I joined on again as a client... things were going good for about 3 weeks and then again... life happened. The currently trainer (trainer #2 for lack of a name :) ) told me that he had just gotten a great internship to work with NBA players in Nevada (how could anyone turn that down right..) So I started to think OK... two trainers I've had and in less than 2 months both are gone... Is it me or what... but i quickly realized it wasn't me.. it was the gym. So I did the only think I could think to do... I left that gym and joined another one :) . So at the new gym... I got to thinking maybe I should seek out training from a trainer who isn't tired to a gym... that night I hit google and started searching for personal trainer's in Greensboro. I was surprised at how many there were but had no clue what I should be looking for so I contacted my first trainer and ask if he knew anyone and got his advise. The next day I called/emailed 3 trainers .... I heard back from two of them and wasn't sure which to go with so I emailed them both back and waited til I got a gut feeling about which to go with. I met with trainer #3 the following Wednesday and little did I know that that day would be the turning point for real change in my life.